HanaHuaWa


HanaHuaWa explores dual identities and the tension between cultural heritage and present surroundings. Each curated article reflects the experience of balancing different worlds—whether it's being split between two cultures, places, or identities. 

From navigating immigrant life, racial or cultural differences, to appreciating the richness of both worlds, these stories emphasize the importance of community, identity, and belonging while embracing the complexities of living between two or more realities.

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The Threads of Identity

Issue 02 Article 01


The Threads of Identity
Xin Yi Zhang
Growing up, I always felt a bit out of place at school. I remember sitting in my elementary classroom during lunchtime and unzipping my lunchbox to find 饺子 [1] or 炒菜 [2]. My classmates would peer into my lunch, sometimes wrinkling their noses and asking, “What is that?” At home, though, my mom’s homemade meals were the norm, full of rich flavors and comfort. She would speak to me in Mandarin, “来吃饭” [3], and everything felt so familiar. But when I was with my friends, I’d find myself avoiding packing “weird” food. I’d beg my mom for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so I could blend in a little more.

Navigating my identity as a Chinese-American often felt like walking a tightrope between two worlds. On one side is the American culture I grew up immersed in, with its fast-paced, individualistic values, and on the other is my Chinese heritage, deeply rooted in family, tradition, and collectivism. I constantly shift between these identities, often finding that neither fully encompasses who I am. Language was a constant negotiation. With my parents, Mandarin was often a bridge between us, even though my fluency never quite reached theirs. I’d respond to my mom’s questions in a mix of English and Mandarin: “test, 我今天有一个[4].” Sometimes, she’d correct me, reminding me of the words I’d forgotten in Mandarin. But with friends, the tables turned. If I slipped into Mandarin on accident—"对, 对!” [5]—they’d laugh, not unkindly, but in a way that made me self-conscious. 

[1] dumplings
[2] rice with stir-fried vegetables
[3] come eat
[4] it was really hard
[5] yes, yes
Meanwhile, whenever I visited family in China, I was starkly reminded of my “American-ness.” My relatives would comment, “你很像美国人 [6].” I couldn’t keep up with their rapid speech, and they found my accent amusing. Yet in the U.S., I was always reminded of my Chinese roots, whether it was a stranger asking, “Where are you *really* from?” or someone commenting on my “good English.” It’s funny how, in both spaces, I felt like a guest in the house that’s supposed to be mine.

But over time, I’ve come to appreciate the in-between. There’s a kind of beauty in being able to code-switch between English and Mandarin, in celebrating Thanksgiving with turkey and also observing 春节 [7] with firecrackers and 红包 [8]. It’s no longer about choosing one over the other but recognizing that both are part of who I am. I can be American and Chinese, weaving together the threads of each culture into something uniquely my own.

[6] You’re so American
[7] Lunar New Year
[8] red envelopes

Study of Perspective - Hong Kong Ai, W. (1995/2003). Study of Perspective - Hong Kong.
37c Year of the Ram Stamp United States Postal Service. 
(2003, January 15). 37c Year of the Ram Stamp. Paper, ink (multicolored) / photogravure.
Afong Moy as depicted in The Pittsburgh Gazette, Thursday, May 19, 1836.
Painter with Mother as a Young Woman Zhang, X. (1993). Painter with Mother as a Young Woman. Oil on canvas.
Series 2 No.3 Fang, L. (1992). Series 2 No.3. Oil on canvas



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A Word from the Founder

Hello,
My name is Tina Cho, a Senior at Phillips Academy Andover with an academic interest in language and identity. As a Korean American student whose first language is Korean, I grappled with suppressing my accented English when I first arrived. However, after embracing my unique tongue, including the unintended mixing of Korean and English while speaking, I saw that my accent and mixed-use language embody the different parts of who I am as a person. I started this magazine to showcase the unique beauty of mixed-English language and the identities they represent, so that readers and potential contributors can do the same. I hope you enjoy each of the individual works and the stories they hold, as they express small, nuanced slices of our immensely rich world.

- Tina Cho, Andover ‘25